FOO 6 procoof

procoof is a clumsy POSIX utility and then some.

• Have you ever wanted to check your email while downloading files from the web? procoof delivers.
  • Updating your website whilst listening to music? procoof delivers.
• Search your filesystem when you really ought to be compiling that important project? procoof delivers.

Cloud computing!

In fact, thanks to the extraordinary power of procoof, you can do nearly any two tasks at the same time! procoof harnesses the mystic powers of GNU bash and scripting languages like Python, Ruby, Perl and MAICL and adds the kind of creativity and wisdom that only true artists (like what we are) can provide. The results: indescribable levels of customization, flexibility and more.

Enterprise ready!

And this is only the beginning! procoof is being actively developed by top-secret scientists in our exclusive operations center beneath the sea to give you all the value-added services and support you need.

• Use procoof’s upcoming built-in scheduling system and act like YOU invented cron!
• Use procoof’s proof of concept point of sale system (procoofpocpos) and set up your own Internet retail business, taking money directly out of the mouths and pocketbooks of corporate fatcats!
• Use procoof’s command line interface to interact with social networks like GNU social, StatusNet and lesser sites like Twitter and Facebook. From the command line. Combine the wizardry of old-school Unix hackers with the laissez faire, carefree attitudes of youth. Who knows? Maybe you’ll be the next Tom from MySpace!

Software as an actual disservice! (SaaaD!)

Like all systems of this magnitude and ignorance, we’ve decided to build our own package manager for procoof first, in order to ensure… something or other.

Remember, procoof is enterprise ready software, and operators are standing by to upsell your employer’s purchasing department on thousands of dollars of consulting and support services that are completely unrequired and unprovided, making YOU look like the hotshot UNIX expert in your office.

Now procoof can scale to the scale of the web!

• A lot of people have asked us if procoof can scale to the scale of the web (ie. web scale) and we’re pleased to say that it can, but for all the naysayers out there, here’s a diagram that is sure to appease your employer.

Copying

• procoof is free vaporware under the terms of the VPL.